Aspiring to outsmart Mother Nature, Taiwan has announced plans to end future droughts – one drop at a time.

In a bid to quench Taiwan’s thirst for a sustainable water solution, the government has unveiled its most ambitious plan to date: the development of a giant funnel to gather rainwater. Dubbed the “Taiwan Ultimate Rain Capture and Reservoir Operations Project” (TURCROP), this initiative aims to end Taiwan’s drought woes once and for all.

“We wanted to think outside the box – or, in this case, above it,” says Deputy Director of Unconventional Hydrological Engineering, Lee Shui-long, who leads this ground-breaking effort. “If nature won’t deliver the rain where we need it, we’ll just direct it ourselves.”

The design, said to resemble a colossal kitchen funnel, will be mounted atop Yangmingshan, overlooking Taipei. Initial blueprints reveal it will have a diameter of 500 meters, effectively becoming the world’s largest rain-harvesting device. The structure is anticipated to be as prominent as Taipei 101, the world’s tallest green building.

“But it’s not about size – it’s about technique,” says Liao Qi-pa, TURCROP’s chief meteorological consultant. “The funnel will use state-of-the-art condensation-capturing equipment, powered by AI,” he adds. Every drizzle, sprinkle, and mist will be caught in its grasp. “Even a sneezing tourist will be contributing to the cause.”

When asked about the mechanics of redirecting rainwater to the areas that need it most, Liao says, “That’s where the tubes come in.”

While details about these tubes remain elusive, officials hint they will be inspired by the complex network of Taipei’s MRT system. This has led to a surprising partnership with the Ministry of Transportation, whose spokesperson, Wang Guo-shui, confirmed: “We’ve got a slogan already – ‘If you can’t get wet on the MRT, we’ll bring the MRT to your wetness.’”

Drops of thoughts

Naturally, not everyone is convinced. Skeptics are already calling the plan “pipe dreams and pipe leaks.” Environmental groups, meanwhile, have raised concerns about its impact on bird migration patterns.

“Birds flying over the funnel will experience a sudden ‘spiral of doom,’” akin to an avian amusement park ride, predicts Hua Fei-shui, spokesperson for the Formosa Democracy Association for Bird Safety and Welfare.

Hua’s warnings have not deterred TURCROP proponents, who argue that the project will offer job opportunities for rescue pigeons, who can retrieve disoriented birds from the funnel’s maw. “It’s about creating an ecosystem within an ecosystem,” Lee explains.

Architects have now suggested adding a viewing deck to the structure for local tourists.

“We’re hoping to attract those who enjoy disaster tourism and innovative architecture,” says Cheng Jia-lin, the project’s head designer. She adds that the giant funnel will also serve “as a metaphor for Taiwan’s economy – resilient, absorptive, and ready to channel resources.”

Despite its lofty ambitions, funding for the funnel remains a mystery. The government insists that it will rely heavily on foreign investment, with an official calling it “the new TSMC of water.”

“We’re already in talks with global investors who see great potential,” says Lai Shui-kuai, director of Taiwan’s Innovation Investment Bureau. “Water is the next oil, and this funnel will be the refinery.”

Initial reports indicate that Elon Musk has expressed interest, seeing the funnel as a potential test site for “RainX,” a project in his pipeline that seeks to control global precipitation patterns. Musk was reportedly overheard saying, “If it works in Taiwan, it can work on Mars.”

As with many big infrastructure projects, public reactions are mixed. On the one hand, there are investors excited to see Taiwan become the rainwater capital of Asia. On the other hand, there are those who wonder if it might be better to start by fixing leaky taps and pipelines.

TURCROP is slated to begin construction in early 2026. The government assures citizens that, with the funnel in place, droughts will be a thing of the past – or at least, easier to blame on unexpected funnel malfunctions.

As one anonymous bureaucrat puts it, “We’ll have future droughts under control – as soon as we figure out where to put the world’s largest bucket.”

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